Thursday, 31 December 2009

Ding Dong Merrily on High

Boxing Day - traditionally the feast of St Stephen upon which (apparently since the middle-ages in one form or another) the rich give to the poor. The name 'Boxing' is thought to derive from several similar traditions: the rich putting christmas gifts into a box to give to tradespeople over the festive period; filling 'christmas boxes' with small gifts and leftovers for the staff; sealed alms boxes put in churches to collect money throughout the year to be opened after christmas day and distributed among the poor; and my favorite, a box placed on a ship by a priest/minister before a voyage into which sailors put small change etc, which upon safe return would be returned to the church in exchange for a blessing, opened and distributed to the poor after christmas...

Boxing Day - the day on which inebriated members of family, having been forced together over the christmas period, finally reach the tipping-point at which irritation, antagonism, and dislike outweigh christmas spirit and goodwill, thus seeing a descent into base physical violence (that doesn't even share the gentlemanly rules and conduct of its eponymous sport)... some may say the greater of british traditions...

Boxing Day - the day on which my bowels decide I need a challenge... Yeah, I'd had my fun: lovely pressies, christmas songs, wrestling a massive bird into the oven (insert mother-in-law joke here), family board-games. It was time to remind me how much I love to sit on the bog.

At about 9.30pm I had to recall the old rapid ascent-of-the-stairs shuffle - running, upward-stepping and keeping buttocks firmly clenched at the same time. At about 9.31pm, with a speed only akin to that with which my bowels were reaching maximum fluidity, I was reaquainted with the joy of sitting on the mercy seat whilst my recent life fell out of my bottom. then again at about 9.45pm, 10.30pm, midnightish... awake all night in fear of the treacherous fart...

Now, not long back I'd have submitted to this: the UC was back. But not this time. Oh no. I redoubled my efforts. I focused on the positive - it's just a stomach bug, I'll be right in a couple of days. And you know what? I was. And I still am. I'm winning.

4 comments:

Paula said...

a stomach bug...excellant...you had me scared there...I blame re heated turkey and chicken ....so I just throw out now rather than take the chance... Happy New Year...may 2010 be UC free :D

msmachine said...

Hooray for you! Happy New Year. May it be happy and healthy.

Rich said...

Hey Paula, could've been the turkey - funnily enough when it transpired to be a bug rather than a flare-up I could've kissed the turkey... Happy NY!

Hi MS, Cheers, and a happy NY to you too.

I've got a good feeling about 2010! Bring it on!

Skinny Girl said...

Love the definitions for boxing day, both the historical ones and the funny ones. One day means nothing, it's just a day. Stomache flu, I am sure. 2010 is going to be a great year!