Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Too Much Too Young

To quote Spinal Tap (and a good friend of mine) sometimes you get "too much fucking perspective"...

The Mercy Seat is about to become an outlet for the purest positivity. I have completed exactly one calender month without a single pharmaceutical passing my lips. But more of this tomorrow.

As I have been musing on the changing thrust of my blog, I have been strolling back through old posts. I have found some interesting threads, patterns, if you will. But I have also read many, many instances of a 'man' whining and vituperating over his treacherous colon and thus imperfect life. And then last week, on wednesday, I got some perspective.

A friend of mine at school died suddenly and tragically, in his sleep in the early hours of wednesday morning. He was 40. He was also one of, if not the best and most well-loved teachers I have ever worked with. He had time, patience and kindness for pretty much every student I witnessed him with. He was also bloody funny and made me laugh about something nearly every time we spoke. It is a sad, frustrating and inexplicable loss.

And so the perspective... I am well. I am going to stay well. But, you know what... whatever happens I have a great deal: wonderful wife, beautiful kids, loving and supportive friends... much more than than I haven't got. Life is too important to let this disease control and dictate it. It's my life. I'll decide what I eat, where I go, and when I want to take drugs. Time to start living again.

Monday, 9 November 2009

If you're feeling sinister

Sometimes there is nothing to say. Sometimes there is too much to say. Sometimes there is a mix of too much and nothing to say...

On Sunday the 25th of October I took my last prednisolone. It has been 15 days since. This is the longest time I have been off steroids for at least 18 months.

I am not taking any other medication.

Last March my consultant told me I would have to have my colon removed.

I have maintained the hypnotherapy on an (almost) daily basis. I am still trying to get a handle on the NLP techniques, but each time I do it it feels a little better.

In the two weeks since the last pred I have had two stinking colds... or the same one with an 8 day lull in the middle. I don't think these two things are related. Neither do I think I've had swine flu. Naturally illness brings a little negativity into your world, a little anxiety, and (with my track record) a little fear. Yesterday I had a small toilet event. Not too urgent, not prolonged, no abdominal pain, but... loose. At the time I panicked, started to instantly get down, sat on loo for a while, head in hands... But, I went out to get my mind off it. I tried really hard with the NLP yesterday evening. I didn't go again until today. And it wasn't loose.

It's a day at a time. 15 and counting. Whatever is happening, whatever does happen I'm trying to stick to my guns. I still feel good (though plagued by snot) and, despite yesterdays blip, have remained mostly upbeat. I won't stop fighting this thing. I won't give up. I remember why I write here. Apart from sharing my experience to hopefully help someone else. It helps me.