I'm back. And it was shit. However, it was the kids wot ruined it and not my bum. So, how did the UC stand up to a bit of travelling?
- Avoid local water - I'm sure that spanish water is pretty good these days, I wasn't gonna chance it, so bottled water all the way.
- Don't get too adventurous with the local cuisine. Much against my natural philosophy (plunge headlong into local customs...) I decided to miantain as plain a diet as possible. This was made easier by the hotel providing food they deemed necessary to placate fussy British teenagers... I even had chicken nuggets one night! I can't remember the last time I ate those...
- Attempt not to eat too many olives despite them being tantalisingly close at hand every single day...
- Carry a toilet roll with me at all times. As it happens, all the spanish public toilets I visited were pretty damn clean and lovely.
- Smoke one cigarette a day. It may all be in the mind, but I swear it helps. Anyway, there's a cheeky thrill to be had by sneaking off for a puff every night.
- Release build-up of inevitable stress by shouting at ridiculously ill-mannered and ill-behaved kids at least once very day.
- Use codiene based pain-killers to induce constipation before both flights.
The weather was bloody hot (worked overtime to keep myself hydrated) - but I was disappointed to find that was also the case in dear old blighty. Much geography was experienced and learned, despite the best efforts of the lazy little buggers. I met soem lovely people and saw some fabulous places, so I shouldn't complain too much. And my bottom behaved. Bueno!